A bean rises from the ashes
Hello and goodbye to the years 2022 and 2023. If you had asked me yesterday when the last time I updated this page was, I would have probably said something like, “a couple of months ago.” Apparently it’s been years. Great.
An unruly but loveable toddler in one hand, an ice cream cone in another, the love of my life, a gorgeous scene in Marshall AND the back of my aunt’s head, all in one photo? Photo magic.
Evan, the keeper of finances in this household, alerted me last night that we’re paying nearly $200 annually for this domain, so I had to either start posting again or cancel. There’s nothing like a little sunk cost fallacy to get you motivated, am I right?
Where to begin? Let’s start with bad things, shall we?
I don’t exactly feel like I’m thriving in this stage of life or motherhood. Drew has not been the ~ easiest ~ of kiddos. She had strabismus, which necessitated an operation in December of 2021, which necessitated anesthesia, which necessitated me following her into the operating room to watch her struggle and panic as the operating team put her tiny little mask on. That memory will live on in my brain forever. And, her right eye still isn’t always aligned properly.
Drew also had a pretty significant speech delay. We’ve been going to speech therapy for that for almost a year now. She’s improved a lot, but still struggles with “intelligibility.” What that means below the surface-level is that we have a really hard time understanding her, and she gets very, very frustrated, very, very often.
The latest in stresses is a penchant for biting and roughness that I can’t even begin to unpack right now. Let’s save that for another time! (Can’t wait.)
We’ve had to work through these things, combined with logistical stresses of figuring out childcare and other regular toddler stuff (refusing to get dressed, refusing to sit in her high chair, refusing to sleep in her bed, refusing to nap, refusing to sit in the stroller, etc.), a lot of work changes, and a series of uncomfortable and seemingly random health issues that are probably all boil down to lack of proper self care (e.g., recurring eye cysts.)
Behind the Scenes! This photo was taken while I was at Urgent Care while on a family trip to Seattle!
All of this is to say, I’m not okay! (Insert My Chemical Romance lyrics here.)
Or at least, maybe it’s more accurate to say I’m operating constantly at a state of being very much not ok, but there’s also a lot of ok, too? Like, Drew is hilarious and squishy and adorable. And we’re spending a lot of time together as a family. And we really like where we live. And we’ve had so many good memories and trips and meals together. I think it all can be encapsulated into: “Both things can be true!” I imagine the good and bad all comingling into this giant pool, and I just have to avoid stirring it up too much, you know?
Speaking of stirring, the food front in my life has been less fraught. (Waiting for my crown as queen of transitions here.) I’ve been cooking a lot the past two years, and Drew has been pretty open to lots of foods. She still refuses to eat things daily (she is a toddler), but so far she hasn’t gotten too rigid about refusing things consistently. If given a choice, she’d exist on pasta, cheese, date bars, and raisins, but in general we’ve been able to eat the same meals as a family. And, we can take her to restaurants now with less stress.
Now to wrap this up on a positive note, what’s my intention for this space going forward? (Said differently, how can we put that $168 squarespace fee to work this year???) I want to resurrect this sad little food diary! To have a space to share photos and stories in my life (good and bad, food-related and not) and a place to talk about food so I don’t unleash that on my friends and family. At the very least, I’ll settle for a few more posts before we enter 2025. Let’s see how we do. :-)
